Joy Restored

Joy [joi]
noun

1. the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation: She felt the joy of seeing her son's success.

2. a source of cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated: Her prose style is a pure joy.

3. the expression or display of glad feeling; festive gaiety.

4. a state of happiness or felicity.

verb (used without object)
5. to feel joy; be glad; rejoice.

*Source: Dictionary.com

It happened shortly after the new year began.  I was given a unexpected gift.  Something beautiful.

God has restored my joy.

After many years of struggle - of nights wading through the trenches, of days spent clawing my way out of the muddy mess of what was left of my life as I knew once knew it -  joy has returned like an old beloved friend coming home.

People say I'm glowing.  They say that there is a beauty about me that is radiating - a light that bursting from within.

Me, 2.1.2013

This is not happiness.  This is joy.  Pure joy.

It's difficult to explain to those who have never felt it.  And I have no idea why God decided it was time to grant me a reprieve. There is no mistake - no logical explanation.  This is a gift from Him & I am overflowing with gratitude.

Little has changed with my life.  We are still wading in deep waters. Trying to keep our heads above the unpredictable raging waves, but calmer waters are ahead. I feel it in my soul. 

Joy restored. A true gift of love radiating from within.

Wordless Wednesday: Simple Pleasures

{Somewhere in PA, 8.17.2012}

Reflections of Christmas 2011

For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on His shoulders.
And He will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. ~ Isaiah 9:6 (NIV) 
Every once in a while, something will happen that is extraordinary, even among the ordinary moments.

This Christmas we were extraordinarily blessed. We were blessed in many ways, & many of those ways were not tangible. And sometimes, the greatest gifts in life cannot be held.

Meaning has not been lost on me that a tiny child was sent to earth so that I can be saved, & live forever.  Likewise, I realize that God, the same God who loves us enough to give us His one & only son, is a Loving Father, who has shown me His mercy & His grace in the simplest of ways.

There is something about where I am in life, that makes me want to see & appreciate the little simple things in life.  And deep down, I'm so very thankful for the smallest of things.

Whether it is a friend holding my hand through a grief service, or another amazingly dear friend doing the same during a Christmas Eve service. Sometimes, when things are difficult, all I really want - all I really need - is a loving hand to hold, bc sometimes it is all anyone can do.

I am still searching for normal. Unsure if I will ever find it again.  And bc I have no other choice, that will have to be okay.  I have to create my normal again, whatever that may look like.  It is up to me.

I am blessed that I have friends & family who love me,  who love & care for not only me but us. I am lucky that I have a husband who loves me.  And would literally do anything for me. Do you know what a blessing that is?




Me & Jake, Very Early Christmas Morning, 2011

This Christmas, I tried to stay focus on the little things, so it wouldn't make the big things, or the people I'm missing, or the one's for whom I am grieving, hurt so much. I've tried hard to honor where I am. To feel what I need to feel, rather than to deny it.

And I am glad to apreciate the smallest of things, noticing the extrordinary, amoung the ordinary.

Without Limits

Life has a way of catching up to us...



In single moments, like snapshots



of a child's face, who is destined



to be a big brother.



I am so very lucky to love



this family, without limits...



And truly blessed to witness it.

Not Me Monday: Taking Flight & Staying Grounded

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

It has not been forever (or it seems that way) since my last post. I have not been busy focusing on family. No, Not Me!

Friday morning, my dad did did not call 911, get rushed to the hospital with a rapid heart rate and extreme difficulty breathing. Which resulted in Jake & me rushing to Dad's local hospital. No, Not Me!

After several doses of medicine to slow his 145+ (at rest) heartbeat failed & wondering why his pacemaker/defibrillator was not shocking him back into normal sinus rhythm, the doctors did not decide to Life Flight him to another hospital. And I didn't take pictures of it bc I thought when he was feeling better, Dad might like to see them. No, Not Me!

When we arrived at the second hospital, we were not told that the doctors shocked my dad's heart back to normal rhythm & that he would need a procedure called an ablation so that this pesky rhythm that baffles the pacemaker into not firing (or it's firing has no effects on) does not occur again. No, Not Dad!

Dad did not also have a bunch of other breathing issues like COPD (for one) & an infection on top of everything else, which has not been getting better day by day. And he was not in (& still is) in heart failure. No, Not Dad!

They did not almost release him today, without an ablation & say he could go home (much to our family's dismay). So, that Jake could call out of work yet again, so that he could take him home - only to find that they are going to keep him & do the procedure in a couple of days (Praise Him). No, Not them!

I have not stayed grounded with my feet firmly planted on the ground. I have not done remarkably well through this whole ordeal (so I've been told) - keeping the faith that everything will work out how it is supposed to be according to His Plan. No, Not Me!

Oh, and I'm not asking for you to please send up a prayer on Dad's behalf, if you are so inclined to do so. No, Not Me!