Sometimes, when I go through tough stuff, I retreat. And when I need to write the most, I don't. Slowly, time just builds up and I don't know what to say because too much time has passed, so I just don't write anything.
It's a vicious cycle... a never ending circle.
The truth is I want to fall in love again. To be more specific, I want to fall in love with writing again. I miss the therapeutic release that writing has always been for me. I miss purging my innermost thoughts, even if it's not on my very public blog.
You see, I haven't written at all for a very long time. Not even in private.
I can't even come up with a valid reason why. The only thing that even sounds like it's half true is simply that I just wasn't ready.
You see, I've always tried to tell the truth, especially on here. And that hasn't always been easy. I am very aware that this blog is not private and sometimes that leads to a vulnerability that is just too much to bare all the time.
I don't even know if anyone other than me is still reading this blog anyway. All I know is someday someone may stumble upon it and may even think that something I have to say is important - or at the very least valid.
So, here I am again. And I promise to make a valiant effort to find my words again, even when it's difficult.
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I still read your blog. I, too, went through a phase where I didn't write anything. I was in such a bad place physically that I didn't want to look bad at my journal and see nothing but bad stuff page after page. I wished I had written, but I simply couldn't. I was just surviving. I wouldn't have had the strength to write then even if I wanted to.
ReplyDeleteJust remember. Even though this blog is public, you are writing for YOU. Don't worry about what it sounds like, just write. One of my English professors told me that and I have never forgotten it. When you start writing, it may seem like the words will never come. KEEP WRITING. Even if you switch topics in the middle, just let it flow. I promise you will feel better because you won't be carry that weight anymore. It helps SO much to just release things.