As I sit here and type this now, it is nearly 5 AM on Christmas morning & I haven't slept yet. I wish I could say that I spent hours dreaming of sugar plums dancing in my head or some storybook clichè that make things appear to be more than perfect.
For hours, I've been writing a letter to a friend. It's a letter that she'll never get bc I never actually wrote it out... it's just words that remained trapped in my head that I may or may not remember later due to simply my exhaustion. And honestly, I want her to be focused on her family this Christmas morning & not so much me.
Here's the simple truth: things have been anything but perfect in my life lately, but isn't that the truth of anybody's life?
For moths now, I have engaged in a process of therapeutic writing. This has been difficult &, at times, torture when the words would not come; however, there has been true healing through this process. And although I have not shared my writings with many others, I have had a lot of love, support & prayers along the way. Slowly, through writing, tears, many emails, love & prayers, I'm finding my voice again & truly healing...
But it's Christmas morning & I haven't slept. I don't know what it is abt this year, but this holiday season is tough. I seem to be missing people a little more, both people gone & still here. I miss dad a lot. And Christmas Eve is just not the same without him. And I just miss others too, too many to mention.
This year has just been tough... For both of us. Jake & I have struggled in every way imaginable. We hold out hope that the coming year will be better for us, in every way.
Yes, for now, we count our blessings. And hope. A hope we have bc long ago, in a little town, a child was born.
Merry Christmas, My Friends. May you filled with many blessings, happiness & joy.