I don't know it all or even pretend to know it all. I want certain things I can't have, some not right now, some not at all:
I want to have a family;
I want to have my friends here with me, instead of not.
I want to stop being tortured by Mandy's death &
I want answers damn it (don't I deserve that?);
I want to cure cancer;
I want to be able to freely admit - I am pissed & that isn't going away, not soon!
I want people to understand that feelings are not wrong, no matter what they are -
I want to believe what I know to be true.
I want to not worry about certain things;
I want to stop doubting;
I want to know that things are going to be okay;
I want a safe place to fall!
Wow, it's a short list, but that's a lot & at least it's truthful. And I know that I could go on longer, but don't have the time or the engery. Hey, if I can't vent, WTH is a blog good for anyway?
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Some things we will never know the answers to. As hard as it is, you have to make the choice to move on. It's ok to grieve, just don't stay there. I'm sure your friend wouldn't want that.
ReplyDeleteYou will find ways to deal with the hurt and anger over time.
Your blog is just perfect foe venting. I feel writing is theraputic and it helps me get frustrations out rather than bottled up. Lately, I just don't even have the energy to sit down and rehash what is making me upset and I try to move on to something better to write about. That in itself makes me feel better. Your list isn't very long, and sure we don't get what's on our list. But at times in our lives, it's good to have all kinds of lists to remind ourselves that we need God for everything on them. *Hugs*
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