Reflections of Lent

Avoidance.

We all do it. Some more than others. So when Lent rolled around & I gave it up.

So for 40 days, I did things I didn't want to do. Had conversations, wrote e-mails, completed task, got things in order I had be putting off.

Truth be told, I never expected it to be so damn difficult. And often found my myself asking "What the hell was I thinking?" Any change or, to be more exact, growth is difficult. At least it should be.

We are human. Flawed & beautiful. And our actions & reactions matter.

I will not lie. There are times when I wished that I could just forget about Lent & go on avoiding. It is so much easier to do that. More convenient. Less painful.

I had conversations with people that were difficult. Some didn't end well. And relationships were forever altered - both in good ways & not so good ways. At the very least, I know I stayed true to not only my word, but who I am.

I cannot say that I don't have regrets about the past weeks. I do. I regret not trusting myself enough to listen to my inner instincts. I now know that some things are better left unsaid. That sometimes that raw intense in-the-pit-of-my-stomach feeling means something.

But (yes, there is always a but) I do not regret what I know now bc of not listening to such a feeling. I now know that some people aren't who they say they are (a lesson that I have ever-so-painfully learned before & somehow keep forgetting).

That sometimes words are just words. And even though the intention behind it may be good, actions may not follow. And there are some who, believe it or not, just do not truly mean what they say.

I have also learned that sometimes you may find a friend (or two) in that person who you never got a chance to really know, even after years of sitting in front of them every Sunday. That some friends who love you do so unconditionally.

That even when I feel displaced, I not only have a place to be, but I'm right where I need to be. And, even more importantly, that even though I may feel disconnected, I am still very much connected & sometimes, just sometimes, those connections are deeper than I ever knew.

Just think... all of that bc I decided that it was time to stop avoiding life & just let it happen.