Sunday, March 14, 2010

Lost Without You

Dear Mandy,

Just a quick note before I go off to church. I've been up all night unable to stop thinking about you. I wish I had words to tell others how I feel, but I don't think they would understand even if I did.

Today, the tears flow freely, as they have for most of the night. This should make for an interesting church service. You know how I hate to cry in front of lots of people. I'll just have to suck it up & deal. I'll get over it. I just can't seem to want to inhibit tears as much as before. Either it's not wanting or not caring. Either way... who cares?

Gosh, I just seem so lost with you. How am I supposed to live without you here? For whatever reason these past days have been tough. And I don't want to act like nothing is wrong. I'm not depressed in general, just sad that you aren't here. And I don't need to get over it or just find something to fill my time or think happy thoughts.

Grief should not in anyway be dismissed or tossed aside, but acknowledged & validated.

But, hey, what do I know? It's not like I'm an expert or anything, just bc I've lost everybody under the sun & then some. Go figure.

Love You.

Your BFF & Beyond,
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