Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Ten Months

Dear Mandy,

Can it really be ten months since you have gone from us? Still there are days that I can't wrap my brain around everything. Sometimes, I still think that I will wake & it will be a dream. No, a nightmare. There is so much I wish I would have said to you. Things that you know already, but I still wish I would have said. It doesn't make any difference now. I know that your love is still here. With me.

It isn't fair - for someone who loved life so much - that you are not here. I know there are so many things we wanted to do together & never got to do. So many places that we wanted to go together. You loved New York so much & I would have loved to be a tag along on one of your trips. Or one of the many cruises you took. So many missed days with you.

Sometimes, I miss you so much I just want to drop to my knees & scream out. If I could get off the floor without calling the firemen to safely help me up. Like when I fell yesterday & got a nasty (very painful) bruise on my arm. Some people would have a problem with calling 911, but whatever... it is what it is. Kinda like your death. It is what it is, but it doesn't make the hurt go away.

Some days are better than others. Today is not. I know I will see you again, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. It's a shame you missed the biggest historical blizzard of 2010. They are saying it is like the biggest storm in 100 years or something like that. My mom has said she has never seen snow like that since she has been alive. I want the Big Melt to happen fast so spring comes & you can send me butterflies again.

God, I miss you. It's not like I haven't lost people before. Best friends even. But you - you are different. Although to put in words just how & why you are different is impossible for me. Some days, I just don't know how I make it through. I hate that I'm crying so hard right now I can't breathe.

It sucks here without you. The world just isn't as bright without you.

Love, Your BFF & Beyond,
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1 comment:

  1. It is so sad to be missing someone you loved so much. Time does go by so quickly. I lost my aunt two years ago and her husband died two years before her. I worked on their estate (which was really hard work). I feel like it was just yesterday. Even my friend can't believe where the time has gone. I have a dear friend who lost her son 10 years ago and I feel like it was yesterday that I flew to Chicago to be with them.
    Let me share something I am having a problem with. My 28 year old daughter who is married but doesn't plan on having children, it wondering what life is all about. Wants to know what you do if you don't have children, what is the point when everyone you love is going to die. She is feeling that life is way too hard, too sad and not worth sticking around for. I would just like your feelings on this. I am really sorry for the sadness you are going through. ((HUGS))


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