Thursday, February 25, 2010

Lent: Exposed (Day 8)

Do you ever feel like you just want to slow down? That life goes by so fast & is way too complicated? That's how I feel at the moment.

Whatever happened to keeping things simple. Doing things bc you want to, not bc you have to. Taking the time to catch up with friends or make new ones bc you want to connect more, desiring nothing more than to connect to people on a deeper level.

Being truthful, honest & authentic to the core - stripping everything away & saying this is me. This is who I am. This is who God created me to be. Gone is the defense mechanisms, the walls, the hesitations, the lies that we hold in place to keep us safe. To be exposed.

Yes, I gave up avoidance for Lent. My attempt to be more authentic, more real. To embrace the growth & change that is happening within me. To continue on this journey I have found myself on. A very unexpected, unplanned journey to live as truthful & authentic as I can - no matter the cost.

Though unplanned - it is not unwanted. This journey is not easy &, at times, is scary as hell. I have to resist my urge to run. Hide. And Avoid. I would be lying if I told you there weren't times that I want to quit - throw in the towel - surrender. This is just too painful at times. To drag out in the open all the dirt, all the muck, the things hidden in the dark - crammed way in the back -hoping to be forgotten.

To be exposed. To be vulnerable. Risking it all for the sake of me. The me that I was always meant to be.

I am not alone on this journey but sometimes, I feel alone. Especially, when I am going through tough stuff that I'm keeping to myself, which is apparently a pattern me. Who knew?

So, silently I pray. Talk to Him. Hoping for something to make sense. Bc with Him, I am already vulnerable. Already exposed. Still I wonder, if that is enough.
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