The Never Ending Circle

It's been forever since I have written.  Don't take it personal. It's not.

Sometimes, when I go through tough stuff, I retreat.  And when I need to write the most, I don't.  Slowly, time just builds up and I don't know what to say because too much time has passed, so I just don't write anything.

It's a vicious cycle... a never ending circle.

The truth is I want to fall in love again.  To be more specific, I want to fall in love with writing again.  I miss the therapeutic release that writing has always been for me.  I miss purging my innermost thoughts, even if it's not on my very public blog.

You see, I haven't written at all for a very long time.  Not even in private.

I can't even come up with a valid reason why.  The only thing that even sounds like it's half true is simply that I just wasn't ready.

You see, I've always tried to tell the truth, especially on here.  And that hasn't always been easy.  I am very aware that this blog is not private and sometimes that leads to a vulnerability that is just too much to bare all the time.

I don't even know if anyone other than me is still reading this blog anyway.  All I know is someday someone may stumble upon it and may even think that something I have to say is important - or at the very least valid.

So, here I am again.  And I promise to make a valiant effort to find my words again, even when it's difficult.

Somewhere Only We Know

Feeling this tonight. Something beautiful & truthful about it.

Before Tomorrow Comes

Thank God for Facebook. Seriously. Can I get an Amen? {:)

Every once in a while something will happen to make my day, week, even my whole month & just have me beaming from ear-to-ear.

Last night, I reconnected with a friend of mine that I had lost touch with long ago. Nine years have gone by since I saw or heard from her - we both had just lost each other's info, as happens sometime - all too often in fact.

I had searched for her many times, but could never find her. Imagine my surprise & delight when I logged on & saw a friend request waiting from her. She had only signed up on FB the day before.

We spent hours talking on the phone until after 3 AM. I can't wait to see her (& her daughter, who was as a infant last time I held her & is now 9 - 9!) but I know that will have to wait since they live in another state.

Sometimes, I just stand in awe at how things take place. To come back again, after so much time has passed, after people change & life happens. It is so nice to reconnect with someone whom often was thought about & you just want to say "Hey, remember that little thing you did for me way back then? Well, thanks bc it meant so much!"

Just imagine how different life would be if everyone took time right now to say to everyone just what they mean in there life today, before tomorrow comes. Bc in the end, it's the family, friendship &, most importantly the love that matters & tomorrow is promised to no one.

Honest Scrap Award

Today, I became aware that I received this award On July 21, from Marcelle at Making Babies. How cool is that? My first award! Keeping with the requirements to receiving the award. Here are 10 things most people do not about me:

1. I want to be a mom, more than most can imagine.

2. I hate it when I can't get stuff from the kitchen frig or anywhere else for that matter. I think BOTH Jake & his dad should have to spend a solid week in a wheelchair. Then, maybe things would change around here and actually STAY changed (not just for a week or two).

3. I have no tattoos. But I've seriously considered getting one since Mandy has passed.

4. I think about people, friends and family, that I loss touch with or who are not as present in my life (or me in theirs), for whatever reason, everyday. Sometimes, several times a day.

5. I love my church. We travel about an hour (one way) to it every Sunday. I love the people, and I love the community. They are very open, excepting, contemporary, and accessible - in more ways than the physical sense of the word. We have looked at several churches to try to find one closer, without luck. Not bc we want to leave our church, but it would be nice to have one closer so I can get to it when Jake cannot take me. Like when he had that other position at work for a year and was required to work on Sundays.

6. I have many issues with certain things (like trust), but I will tell you what they are and fully admit and acknowledged them.

7. I am a very private person, especially lately. People confuse me being outgoing with being open. Their are many things my best friends don't even know. Even some that no one knows.

8. I will talk about or share my past with just about anyone, if there is a reason to do so. Even if it makes me uncomfortable. I truly believe you have to share your story in order to respect it.

9. I often get annoyed at people. And please note, this is NOT to anyone specific, but EVERYONE. So, if you just happen to be reading this and think is about you, you are WRONG. It is not. Everyone, means everyone. My biggest annoyance is if you want me to know something, tell me. I gave up my mind reading skills a long time ago. Many people rely on many things to communicate things. Be direct. Do not rely on text, or e-mail or other people to tell me things, especially if I don't respond back. Call me (I secretly hate e-mail). BE DIRECT. In addition, there are many who get mad when I don't respond to whatever or however they want. I'm sorry. I cannot be who you want me to be. I can only be me.

10. I wish people would stop asking me, hinting at, referring to me having a baby, putting pressure on me, ect.. about having a child or trying to have a child. God has the ultimate plan, and if it is meant to happen it will - in HIS time, not mine or anyone else's for that matter. Frustrating, I know. But very true.

I am passing this award to 2 people: Stacey at Musings of A Passionate Mind. Who hasn't blogged in forever, but is always honest when she does. And El at Profoundly Seth. Who shares not only the good parts in life, but the not-so-good parts also, with a difficult honesty that I secretly admire.