Blog Hop: Hope Floats

{This Blog Hop was started by Joanna @ Raising Madison. So hop on by & see what all the fuss is about.}

"Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts. So, when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will."

~~ Birdee Pruitt (Sandra Bullock)

in the movie, Hope Floats

Sometimes I think of hope as what remains when there is nothing left.

Over the years, just as my faith has changed, so have my hopes & dreams. Gone are the days that I hope I matter to someone. Now, I know I do.

Gone are the times that I hope there was more than being lost in despair. Now, I'm happy, full of light & life.

Gone are the days when I hoped I was loved, Now, I know, without doubt, I am loved... So much, & by so many , it is beyond words.

I still have many hopes today, just like I did back then. I hope one day, God will chose to bless me with a child that I can call my own, but in some strange way, as if I can see the future, I know He will.

I hope that my family & friends know just how much I love & care for them, even if time, distance or words fail me. I will forever be blessed by the people who are in my life & who have been in my life in the past.

And I hope that as life goes on, I will never take one single thing for granted - not one kind word or a hug from a friend bc in the end, those are the things that matter the most. And in some strange way that defies explanation, it is in those small moments - when we need it the most - that hope floats up.

Blog Hop: Letter to the Teenage Me

{This Blog Hop has you write a letter to your younger self. Here is mine.}

Dear Shannon,

It'll be years before you'll understand this, but trust me, it's all true. I know your having a difficult time. Right now, you are deep into your depression, your relationship with your mom is hostile, your dad is no where to be found, your brother, Damon, is sick & Lea is just trying to do the best that he can to figure things out for himself.

I know you've lost so many friends & love ones to death & people who are trying to comfort you tell you that in time you will feel better. They mean well, but they are lying. It doesn't get easier. At all. There will always be an ache in your heart, like part of your soul is gone. You will never stop yearning to feel their presence or to get just one last day to spend with them. You will however get through it, but even then it will always hurt.

Believe it or not, you won't always be depressed. There is a light in this blackness that you feel, & one day, it will just be there. The truth is it's always been there. The darkness just covers it up & makes it hard to see. I know there are times when you want to die. Stick it out. Believe me, it'll all be worth it. And one day, you will be glad your attempts were not successful & others, some who you haven't even met yet, will be glad you are still here too.

Oh, and that God you are so mad at - He is still there too. Even as you say horrible things to Him, push Him away & blame Him for all the bad things in your life - He is still there. He will always be there. In fact, you will come to know Him on such a personal level, it may be hard for others to understand. That's okay, it doesn't matter who understands. Your realationship is personal. It is real. And full of love.

I know there are people you cling to right now. They are your best friends & they have pulled you some tough times & will pull you through things that haven't even happened yet. Right now, they are your world. And that's okay, for now...

Please trust me when I say, that some people - even your best friends - aren't meant to stay in your life forever. You will forever be thankful to them & they will always have a place in your heart. Believe me - a place in your heart & a place in your life are two different things.

I know you think you will never find someone to love. Who would love someone who is disabled & emotionally broken like you? Right? Wrong. You are oh so wrong. The truth is that we are all broken. Every single one of us. Not one of us is perfect, untouched, without flaws.

You will meet your husband in a couple of years, & even though she won't believe you, you will tell Thea that you are going to marry him someday. You will go away from him for many years, but God will make sure that just when you are content with who you are & where you are. It is then your paths will cross again.

Your marriage, like the rest of life, won't be easy. Especially, in the early years. You will come close to leaving him several times, but you stick it out. That's what you do. Besides, you realize that you love him too much to ever leave him.

As for being a mom, after trying for years, it'll happen when you least expect it. Even though there are times when you doubt, you know without question that God is in control. He will give you the perfect addition to your family that comes along at the perfect time. You see, as hard as it may be to see (& it's even more difficult to admit) God loves you & wants the best for you. And that means doing things on His time, not yours.

Trust me, Shannon, where I sit now is so far from where you sit as you read this. So far, in fact, that it will seem like two totally different lives of two totally different people. You will have changed so much.

You are strong. And it will be tough. Life is is no way ever easy. Ever. You will go through things that others can't comprehend. It's okay. Just remember that "Some of the greatest gifts in life are birthed from tragedy." And in the end, you are never alone & are loved. Always.

With Love & Gratitude,

Blog Hop: More About Me

So I was reading this blog, which I love & today Lynnentte suggested a "getting to know you a blog hop," so even though I did this entry only a short bit ago, I decided to do another one, and just hop along.

1. My mom & I haven't always got along, to say the least; however, I have ALWAYS loved her regardless, which is hard for people to understand. Now that I don't live at home, we have a better relationship. Here's a picture taken of us years ago. It is one of her favorites & I love it too.

November 1, 2001

2. I'm my mom's only child, but not my dad's. Both my brothers are older than me, 10 & 8 years to be exact. As a kid, Idolized them. As an adult, I see them as who they are.

3. I am a photo fanatic & pretty much carry a camera with me everywhere. Seriously. I've even figured out how to safely attach my camera to my wheelchair.

4. I am a scrapbooker. I love doing projects all the time. However, I never seem to complete projects for myself, only for others. Hmmm, I never realized that before. I'll have to psychoanalyze that later.

5. I truly miss walking. Especially when that walking allowed me to go into any one's house & be a part of family and friend's functions more.

6. I'm a person, who will give people the benefit of the doubt a little too often.

7. I always try to see the good in people, even when they don't deserve it.

8. I am good at reading people. Sometimes too good.

9. I'm far from perfect. I make lots of mistakes. Sometimes there are things I wish I never did or never happened; however, there is a reason for everything & if things didn't happen the way they did - I would not be who I am today.

10. I have learned that sometimes when you wish for things & get your wish (or not), sometimes that isn't a good thing, but that has never stopped be from wishing. The same can be said about praying.