Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Forever Blessed

Sometime in the early morning, I will awake & know I'm only hours away from seeing her.  For the love of the good Lord above, I do not know how so much time has passed. Nine years or nearly that to be exact.

I am forever blessed bc Deanna has loved me for so many years.  Thinking back, she has loved me when I made it difficult to love me.  I think that of a lot of my friends whom I have known for so long, not just Dee.

Still. She loved me through the depression, through the tough stuff, through the unspeakable stuff, even when I pushed her away.  She assures me that our friendship was never one sided, but over the years, I have felt, & remembered back, that it was.  Or at least it felt that way.  To me, she has always given more to me than she has taken.  I feel blessed that she feels this is not true.

I will see her & meet two of her three precious kids, another visible reminder of truly how much time has passed.  And I can't wait.  Deep down, I wish - hope, really - that one day she will meet my kids too. God willing.

I am nervous, but I'm unsure why.  Maybe it's bc I am unable to hide from her. She can see right through me.  She always could.  And the truth is, I've been hiding a lot.  In the unwritten blog posts, from friends, still unable to speak abt certain things out loud.

I will be okay though. I know it.  I've had some set backs, but I've also had some breakthroughs. Thank God for breakthroughs... breakthroughs & friends who will stand with me through the tough stuff.

I am blessed.  Forever blessed.
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