Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Blogger's Block

Regardless of the relationship, there is a security that exists when your parents are alive. For me, I didn't even realize it existed until it wasn't there or to be more accurate - until Dad wasn't there.

It has been strange how time has moved on. So slowly, yet incredibly fast. I would have to say there are more good days then bad right at the moment; however, when they are bad they are really bad.

For whatever reason, on more mornings then not, I still find myself having to remember that Dad is gone. I wonder when the nightmares & strange dreams will stop. I have been told by those who have already walked the path of losing a parent that this is normal.

I am incredibly grateful for my friends, the selected few of which I can count on one hand who have consistently been there & been a great support. I truly don't know what I would do without them. And on the other hand I can count more friends who have helped me in their own way & in their own time - for them I am grateful too.

As if it is some type of writer's block, there is so much I want to say, but I just can't find the words to say them in. So much that I want to blog about, but I just either can't find the words or don't have the desire at the moment to blog about. Good stuff that has nothing to do with grief.

This is so not what I wanted my blog to be about. One death after another - a strange journey to live life while living through other's deaths. I used to love to write post, but now I struggle to do things I used to love. Everything is still to complicated.

Secretly, I wonder when these post will be more about life then death, but I know better than to try & force something than not to blog about where I truly am at in the moment. This is where I am in my journey & I just need to honor it & be here - not to push it away.

So, here it is, this strange blogger's block that I find myself in. Hoping that I once again will find myself again & a new normal, one post at a time.
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