Friday, December 10, 2010

Uncharted Waters

My life these past few months has not been easy. Not that I want it to be easy; although I must admit, it would be nice to just be a little bit easier.

I have been avoiding posting to this blog for many reasons, some of which are known to me & others which are not. Quite truthfully, I have struggled with daily life, as much as I have struggled to find the words to express myself.

When things have been bad, & I mean really bad, I would focus on anything good to get me through. Whether it would be a smile, a hug, some kind words, a phone call, or even an unprompted text.

Believe it or not, I have not been depressed. Only grieving, which in itself is very different from depression. I should know - I have depression for nearly 20 years & have grieved for many along the way... too many to count.

However this grief is unlike any other. It's an entity of its own.

And that is as difficult for me to explain as it is for others to understand. Most of my friends have never lost a parent, so they can't comprehend. And honestly, part of me still wishes that I was still naive to such a world altering moment unlike any other I have ever known.

And for any of you who truly know me, know that I have had many of those along the way.

So, for now, I must say I am doing the best I can. Taking the day as it comes & sometimes even that is difficult to do, but that just has to be enough for now... as I forge on in uncharted waters.

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