Saturday, June 19, 2010

Extraordinary Things

I haven't seen Jamie, since about 1997, which is something like a billion years ago or 13, depending on how you do the math. Truthfully, I must confess it seems like a lifetime ago, when I was a different person, & in so many ways, living a different life.

I met her in the summer of my 8th grade year, her 9th. I was working at what was to be my new high school that just happen to house the Summer Chorale Program for students throughout the county.

Our friendship began in the oddest of ways, although there was nothing extraordinary about the ordinary moments that lead up to how it began, or so I thought. I simply tagged along with some friends as they went to the local Friendly's after the Choir concert was over. When I got there, all the people that I knew were sitting at tables that were already full. I felt so out place.

I looked around & I asked Jamie, who I did not know at the time, if I could join her table & so I did. She wind up driving me home that night too. And for whatever reason that still baffles me to this day, we ended up having a four hour conversation in my driveway. And so our friendship began.

For reasons unknown to me, I trusted her right away. Although we had just met, I felt I had known her my whole life. She quickly became one of my best friends & truly loved me unconditionally, which was no easy task at the time.

The summer that we met was also the summer that I got diagnosed with depression & started counseling. Way back when I started this blog, I wrote this entry about my depression & yes, Jamie was one of the people that I was talking about when I wrote that entry. In fact, I remember writing it thinking of her, wondering where she was & if she would ever get the opportunity to see the person I am now.

Back then, I was not an easy person to love. At all. I was deep into my depression & very suicidal for many years, & could not see anything but darkness, so why live, right? I literally was living in hell, not getting a long with my mother, having an absent father who I hated for leaving me & spending hours upon hours at the bar instead of where I so desperately needed him to be - in my life.

And to top it all people were dying left & right. Death was all around me, I was so immersed in grief, I was beside myself. Oh yeah, and God? I was so angry at him it was not funny. I so desperately wanted to be loved by him, but I hated him for what my life had become.

For years, time & again, Jamie was always there for me. I am sure there are times when she wanted to be done with me, walk away & never look back. I'll say it again, I was not an easy person to love... but she did it anyway. I used to call her "my friend with a heart of gold" & trust me, it was the truth.

One day, we just grew apart. We were both busy in college. Our paths went in different directions. Over the years, I had always wondered about her, prayed for her, hoped she was doing well, hoped she was happy. Some time ago, we found each other on Facebook. And that led to last night.

Looking back, I am in awe at just how amazing God was. How amazing He is. God knew what he was doing when he made us friends. I will forever be thankful for the friendship we had, bc without it I don't know if I would be here, & there is only a handful of friends I can say that about.

I don't know if we will be friends again. I do not know if it's in His plan. What I do know is that, regardless of what may or may not happen in the future, I will forever be grateful that He can make extraordinary things from ordinary moments.

Jamie & Me @WM 6.18.2010

Jamie & Me, 6.18.2010

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