Friday, May 21, 2010

On Fire

Sometime during the night - when my brain was halfway between sleep & conscientiousness - I have started this post a thousand times in my mind.

I was filled with dread & butterflies as I began to speak confessing a part of my past that I would rather forget. Funny thing though, no matter how much I try to cram things in the back of my brain & bury the thoughts & feelings that are just too difficult to handle, they are always there, lingering in the air like smoke from a candle whose light has been snuffed out.

In the earlier hours of the morning - this one in fact, as the tears fell at a rapid pace & my nose became stuffed again & again, I surrendered. With every fiber of my being, there is a part of me that knew this was coming.

I hate this - being vulnerable; I always have. It's no secret that I always second guess (a million times over) trusting someone, especially with something that is so carefully guarded within me. How can I not, having been burned before. Hell, sometimes I wasn't burned, I was set on fire.

You will not find the confession here, revealing a kept secret. I just can't bare it. It is simply to much to handle; Being so incredibly broken, I can't even entertain the thought of baring my soul. Not on this very public blog. Not yet. Maybe even not ever.

And that has to be enough for now.

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