Missing

So my birthday came & went with out much hoopla.  I'm 36 now, joy.   I'm slightly cynical nowadays a little too.  Not quite sure why & that's okay.  Tomorrow is mom's birthday. Often I wonder where the time has gone.

I miss dad & others all the time & seem to be struggling a little more then usual.  I can't quite figure out what  that is about either. I just know I'm slightly overwhelmed.  Many days it's more than slight.  I haven't been going to church for almost a month now, & it feels very weird.

Still I don't go.

I miss my life.  Some may even say they miss me. And I agree.

All Things Work Together

I love the man who sleeps beside me.  I am blessed that he loves me & that our love grows as time goes on.

As he sleeps, I watch him.  I watch him & wonder what he is dreaming.  Deep down, I know we share many wishes, wants & dreams that are the same.

One dream is to have a family one day.  Neither of us ever expected a family to come right away, but I know we also never expected that starting a family would be so difficult & something we still struggled with seven years into marriage.

Yet here we are.

It's something that I don't talk about often, & if so, rarely on a very public blog.  It's just that sometimes I am very aware that not everyone is supportive of us having kids, & I really don't care to hear anything that is less than supportive.

And I'm here to say, what I've always said - Cerebral Palsy isn't genetic;  People who use wheelchairs or have a disability can be excellent parents, even if they have to do things a little differently.

Then again, I have have always done things differently.  This is all I have ever known.

Still I count my blessings & give thanks for them.  I am who He has made me & I am blessed by my life, even the things that many would not consider to be blessings.

Still I give thanks for the struggles too.  And I wonder how can I not?

For it is in those struggles that I grow the most.  It is in those trying times that I am reminded how blessed I truly am.