Monday, November 15, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Stream of Consciousness: 3 Months Gone
Providing such an outlet for me, I have always loved writing. So, why know when I needed the most, do I not do it? Your guess is as good as mine. The days are difficult. If it's not one thing it's another. Crisis after crisis. The world is on my shoulders.
It has so little to do with dad dying & so much to do with him at the same time. I miss him daily & it seems that everyday my heart aches for him even more. It's been 3 months today, yet it seems like yesterday.
There is an eerie silence in my world. My world forever altered now never to be the same. Losing a parent sucks. It is a pain so deep it is hard to put words to. Maybe that is why I can't write. Words are hard for me now.
How do you put into words something you cannot even seem to wrap your brain around fully yet to begin to comprehend it? We all know it happens. Everyone one day will lose their dad & mom. Everyone one day will die.
As good as my friends are - both the ones that are there & the ones that are not - they don't get it. How can they? Some have parents still living, some do not. Some had parents who are still married, some not. Some have siblings, some not. My point is, it is different for me, as it is them bc there situation is different. Even their relationship with there parents are different. Everyone's is. They have a different history. I have a different history. I am different.
They're is no cookie cutter way to grieve. There never has been. No, I don't need to go talk to someone. No one can tell me what I already know to be true. I will get through this. I have faith. I have faith, but not in myself. I have lost that for now. One day I will find it again. Just not today.
My faith in God however that still stands. Without question I am being tested. And I have faith in Him that if He brings me to it, He'll bring me through it. And when I doubt at my darkest hour, I just have to remember that I am not alone.
It has so little to do with dad dying & so much to do with him at the same time. I miss him daily & it seems that everyday my heart aches for him even more. It's been 3 months today, yet it seems like yesterday.
There is an eerie silence in my world. My world forever altered now never to be the same. Losing a parent sucks. It is a pain so deep it is hard to put words to. Maybe that is why I can't write. Words are hard for me now.
How do you put into words something you cannot even seem to wrap your brain around fully yet to begin to comprehend it? We all know it happens. Everyone one day will lose their dad & mom. Everyone one day will die.
As good as my friends are - both the ones that are there & the ones that are not - they don't get it. How can they? Some have parents still living, some do not. Some had parents who are still married, some not. Some have siblings, some not. My point is, it is different for me, as it is them bc there situation is different. Even their relationship with there parents are different. Everyone's is. They have a different history. I have a different history. I am different.
They're is no cookie cutter way to grieve. There never has been. No, I don't need to go talk to someone. No one can tell me what I already know to be true. I will get through this. I have faith. I have faith, but not in myself. I have lost that for now. One day I will find it again. Just not today.
My faith in God however that still stands. Without question I am being tested. And I have faith in Him that if He brings me to it, He'll bring me through it. And when I doubt at my darkest hour, I just have to remember that I am not alone.
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