Monday, April 26, 2010

Burned Out

As I listen to my keystrokes on my keyboard, I think of how much I yearn to return back to writing. I despise the fact, that life & my grief effect me in ways of isolation at times. That often when I need it the most, I don't write. How ironic.

There is so much to say, so much to catch up on, but where do I begin? In the past couple of weeks, I must confess that there are several post that I started & was unable to finish. As of now, I don't know if they will ever be finished or if they will ever be seen by anyone, but me.

They do not contain secrets. There isn't anything that I'm avoiding. It's just been difficult to get my thoughts together. I so need to clear my head. Seriously. Sometimes, I need to get away. Not deal with people. Be by myself. Something, that is difficult to do around here. And definably difficult to do when you have to rely on others.

Sometimes, I wish things were different. That they were back like they used to be, when I wasn't in a wheelchair full time, & it was just plain easier to do things. Something needs to change.

All I really want to do is spend some one-on-one time with my family & friends - hands down those who I love the most. But I want it to be quality time. True authentic time together. Not so one sided. Nothing where I have to think to hard. If I have to do that, then it really isn't that great for me. I need a little give than I do take.

I have problems too. I can't always hear others. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that sometimes, I wish I could be open & honest with where I am, & how I feel. Mostly, the majority of people lately, end up unloading everything & me not getting a word in otherwise.

I am done. I am not only burned out, I'm on fire. I just wish others could see the flames from where they stand.

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