Dislodged

I'm just going to write what my heart says & worry about it later. It's not really what I want to do, but I don't see any other way.

I can feel myself dislodging, pulling away for everyone & everything - which hasn't always ended well. I don't know how to be anything but honest.

I am hurting. Confused & trying to sort things out. When did it not become okay for others to care about each other? Yes, there are so many questions.

The truth is just that - the truth. I have been discontent for awhile now. I have decisions to make & I'm not sure everyone will like my choices. And even if I don't have to make them, I feel that I do. Those chioices aren't for them. They are for me. And me alone.

I want my life to matter. To make a difference. And even if I do matter - even if I do make a difference - somehow it's just not enough. Not enough for me.

I don't know know how to be anyone or anything but me. The me who cares for others. Feels deeply. Is genuine.

I am struggling. Trying to hold on. A friend told me last night, "Your just going through a tough season." Boy, she ain't kidding. Tough, indeed.

This sucks.